Someone asked me recently if it’s possible to feel comfortable physically at a weight that is higher than you have ever been. As with so many questions, the short answer is, “Yes,” but the long answer is highly nuanced. That’s nuance is what I want to dig into a bit here.

First, while the question specifically refers to physical comfort, we can’t ignore psychological comfort, so I will talk about both. But let’s start with physical comfort.

What is physical discomfort?

Many clients have told me that they just don’t feel “comfortable” at their current weight. This perceived discomfort can be a negative motivator for pursuing weight loss (“negative” because you’re trying to avoid or escape something). However, someone can have firmly decided to stop the pursuit of weight loss because of what it’s cost them in terms of time/money/energy/stress, yet still not feel physically comfortable in their higher weight body. It can lead to a lot of mental wrestling.

If someone has been in a smaller body for a long time and/or gained weight rapidly, it can indeed feel strange to be taking up/moving through space differently. On the flip side, this feeling of strangeness can also happen when someone loses weight rapidly.

But what if someone feels that their higher weight has brought genuine physical discomfort — joint aches and pains, shortness of breath when climbing stairs or walking up hills, etc.?

If I had a nickel for every patient or client who said some version of “I’m easily winded when I climb stairs, so I need to lose weight” I would have a lot of nickels. However, anyone, at any weight, can experience these discomforts.

Even when I used to work in weight management (this was several years ago), I would always ask, “Well, how often do you climb stairs?” The answer was universally, “Not very often.” I would explain that because they rarely climb stairs (or walk up hills), their body wasn’t conditioned for that activity, so of course they would quickly be out of breath, feel their leg muscles burning, etc. It wasn’t about the weight, it was about physical conditioning.

Is physical comfort a given?

This means that you can be at a higher weight, even your highest weight, and use planned physical activity to feel physically comfortable in your day-to-day life. That’s true at any weight. For example, last year I changed up my strength training routine to add (frankly boring) exercises that involve carrying around heavy weights while maintaining normal posture. This year, I noticed that it’s shockingly easy to carry heavy luggage or haul my huge watering can around the yard. Go figure!

That said, some people will never feel physically comfortable, regardless of weight. People of all weights can develop arthritis or back pain or tendonitis or fibromyalgia. People of all weights can find that as they get older they’re stiff and sore in the morning until they move around a bit. Sadly, “physical comfort” is not everyone’s default setting.

So if weight gain appears to be contributing to physical discomfort, it’s worth looking at what else is going on. Are you engaging in less physical activity than you used to? Have you developed a health condition that creates some physical discomfort? Are you significantly older than you were in those memories you have of being physically comfortable and in a smaller body?

We’re often sold the idea that losing weight will take care of physical pain or discomfort. Knee osteoarthritis is a common example. At a conference last year, a physical therapist/personal trainer was lamenting that he often gets new clients with arthritis who were told to lose weight by their doctors. The problem with that, he said, is that with weight loss comes muscle loss, and that includes to the muscles that surround and support the knee joint. What’s needed is not less weight, but more strength.

Where does psychological discomfort come in?

I said we can’t talk about physical discomfort without taking about psychological discomfort. Why? Because if you’re at a higher weight, and you aren’t mentally or emotionally OK with that fact, than you’ll likely blame your weight for any physical discomfort you experience. This is an extremely common mental leap, often referred to as “scapegoating the body.”

• You have bad menstrual cramps or hot flashes? It’s because of your weight.
• You don’t like any of your clothes? It’s because of your weight.
• You had a crappy time at that party? It’s because of your weight.
• You’re feeling blah? It’s because of your weight.

If you’re experiencing body dissatisfaction, poor body image, or lack of embodiment, then you’re less likely to practice good self-care — including movement, nourishing food, going to the doctor when you need to. This can lead to physical discomfort.

If you can’t accept that you are the size you are, you might be trying to squeeze into too-small clothes that pinch or rub, causing physical discomfort. And it’s not your body’s job to fit into clothing, it’s clothing’s job to fit your body.

I want to emphasize that even if you’re doing body image work, and you’re feeling OK about your body size, and you’re not immediately thinking “weight loss is the answer” whenever something goes wrong in your life or you’re generally having a bad day, there will be bumps in the road.

Overcoming body dissatisfaction isn’t a one-and-done, and it’s not perfect. You can feel OK being in a larger body for the most part but still sort of missing being in a smaller body, in part because clothes shopping felt more fun and fitting into a theater or coach airline seat was easier. You may even have random days where you see a photo of yourself or catch a reflection of yourself at an odd angle and have the thought that, “maybe just one more diet…” before you catch yourself and offer yourself compassion.

How can you feel more comfortable at a higher weight?

If you’re currently at a weight that is higher than you’re used to, and you’re experiencing physical discomfort, here are some steps you can take:

• Ask yourself if you’re OK, mentally and emotionally, with being at a higher weight. Be honest. If you’re not, know that this may amplify any physical discomfort. This is why body image work is so important for anyone experiencing body dissatisfaction, regardless of actual weight.
• Ask yourself how you’re taking care of your body. Not your weight…your body. We need nourishing food and movement and adequate sleep and supportive ways of managing stress. We need to drink enough water and not too much alcohol (if you imbibe at all). Most of us need physical touch, whether that’s from a partner, a massage therapist, or being in water (yes, that can be a surrogate of sorts).
• If you experience pain in your joints or soft tissues (tendons, muscles), there are ways to address that discomfort that have nothing to do with weight. Physical therapy. Massage therapy. Saunas or hot tubs.

Even if weight is directly contributing to physical discomfort in a way that can’t be remedied by more movement, a specific type of movement, stress reduction, physical therapy, etc….be wary of the idea of weight loss as a perfect solution.

There are downsides to intentional weight loss. Dieters regain the weight. Bariatric surgery, like any surgery, can have complications. Weight loss medications can have uncomfortable side effects. We have (or should have) the right to make decisions about our own bodies, but it’s important to take off the rose-colored glasses and fully consider all the angles.

And remember that perfect physical comfort — just like perfect health — is not a realistic default setting. If you’re caring for your body the best you can, and you’re working on making peace with being in a larger body, and you are still experiencing some physical discomfort, but it’s manageable, it may help to adjust your expectations. Accepting what is can release you from some of the mental struggling that can lead to suffering.

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​Disclaimer: All information provided here is of a general nature and is furnished only for educational purposes. This information is not to be taken as medical or other health advice pertaining to an individual’s specific health or medical condition. You agree that the use of this information is at your own risk.

Until next time,